day #11

REGRETS

Lord help me.   I've always been one of those people that lives by the phrase "No Regrets" simply for the reason that every mistake I've made has molded me into who I am today.  And I'm never the first to say this, but if I was 100% honest... I really like who I am today.  And if it took everything I've been through to get me here, then I'm fine with it. 

Disclaimer aside, let's get into the tough stuff.

1.  I regret the way/timing in which I left my marriage with Nathan.  Leaving was absolutely the RIGHT thing for me, but the way I did it, and the timing of it, was not the best way I could have handled it.  His heart broke, over and over, as did mine.  I regret not trying harder.  I regret not being a better wife to him.  I regret putting him through all the pain that I did.

2.  I regret the way I've treated my closest friends and family, when it comes to my personal life.  I've ALWAYS been a very private, independent person.  I think those are good qualities, but I think I abuse them.  I build walls, and I try to deal with things on my own.  When I fail, and when I make the situation worse than it was in the first place, THEN I reach out to my closest friends and family.  I regret making them feel like they aren't important to me, or that I don't trust them, and I hate that. 

3. I regret how much time I spent hating my body.  Statistics say lots of girls deal with negative self-image in middle school or high school, but it is very real.  I regret hating the way I looked, starting when I was about 14, until last year pretty much.  The last year or year and a half has been the first time I've actually loved myself and the way I look.   I don't mean that conceitedly whatsoever, just the fact that I'm quite comfortable in my own skin finally.  (Yes I still count calories like a psychopath, and I hit the gym as often as possible!)

4.  I regret giving fear so much power in my life.  A few days ago I had to write about my fears, so you know what they are now.  I believe that everyone is POWERED by something.  I've spent the last three years trying to shift that in my life, from being powered by fear, to being powered by grace (more on that to come later!)  I'm doing a lot beter, but I still regret giving in to fear.

Whew... those were biggies for me.  I feel better.  =)